and why you should too.

One thing about Burning Man no one tells you is that your body may give up on you. After three sleepless nights, I found myself an hour away from my camp, with no bike, friendless and thirsty. Then an art car came to the rescue, the one with the big heart installation. I decided it was going to be my home for the night. Covered in christmas lights and playa dust, I laid down on its pink fur bed, that would otherwise belong to a strip club. As the sound of electro music was enchanting me like a motherly lullaby, I fell asleep.

An hour or five later, there is no real time keeping at Burning Man, I awoke to someone spooning me. I collected my glamping belongings and embarked on my next adventure.

Photo by David Drew

Photo by David Drew

 

The left side of the horizon was beginning to turn grey getting ready to embrace the sun and its splendor. I followed the sun steps, leaving behind the art car heart, DJ Lee Burridge and his beautiful NYC models perched above him, next to him and under him.

We rarely ever watch the sunrise. And it is fair to say, that it is one of the most glorious moments of the day. My heart was swelling with so much love and gratitude as I began seeing the tip of the circle of fire emerging from behind the mountains.

 

I had talked about marrying myself a few times. I even ordered a veil but had no plans set.

However, at that moment I knew it was time. I was going to marry myself right then and there. At that moment, I asked a man with a german accent, dressed in a medieval armor to officiate the wedding. New friends gathered to be witnesses, as I repeated my vows:

 

“Jessica —

I promise to encourage your spontaneity, because that is what makes you unique and wonderful.


I promise to honor your dreams, because through them the world will shine brighter.

I promise to embrace adventures and new beginnings together, and support you to grow and become your better wiser self.

I promise to be there throughout your challenges and forgive you again and again.


Lastly, I promise to you unconditional love and boundless trust.
For there is no one in the world I would rather be with.”

No one objected the union, everyone clapped the sun fully came out, then a photographer showed up. We drank champagne and danced for hours more at Camp Bubbles and Bass.

I married myself for a few reasons, surprisingly unrelated to the fact that I have not met the person whom I would marry.

Accountability

 No matter how many people are in our lives and how amazing our partner is, we are the sole owner of our happiness.

As Gebran Khalil Gebran put it:

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
To me, marrying myself was my way to take responsibility for my wellbeing and my happiness. To stir away from blaming others and playing victim.

Practice

Repeating the vows to myself, and every day committing to forgiving myself, to not letting myself down during bad times, to honoring my desires and dreams, can’t but prepare me to an amazing relationship to come.

Commitment

Self-love is a practice but also requires accountability and commitment. Why do people marry after all if they can just be together? Telling the world I am in it to win it, is my way to strengthen my promises to myself.

A friend once told me: “I don’t trust people who can’t be single.” I was one of those people. I could not stand being alone. I equated my worthiness to having someone approve of me.

Photo by David Drew

Photo by David Drew

 

My 1.5 years of being single have taught me that only now I can trust my decisions. That when I choose to be with a man it is out of partnership rather than dependency. Not because I need him to exist, not because I need to be seen.

And that is why everyone should marry themselves.

If you cannot commit to yourself you won’t truly commit to anyone else. If you cannot forgive yourself, you will live in a blame-full life.

And if these arguments don’t sell you, think about it this way: what a better person to spend the rest of your life with than your true beautiful, wild, radiant, and awesomely human you.

 

And now I invite to write your own vows. Tonight or this weekend, find 30 minutes, spell them and repeat them to yourself. And if you end up getting married to yourself be sure to have a big party, because it is the best thing you could do for the world.

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